


Things You Said

by harpers_mirror (SapphireBryony)



Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher, Welcome to Night Vale, Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 12:36:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5829217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireBryony/pseuds/harpers_mirror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fics written in response to a writing ask meme on Tumblr. Drunken nights aboard the Hephaestus, bloodstone rituals, bedside vigils, and more. </p><p>(NOT a crossover fic, and separated by chapter so you don't have to scroll through the whole bloody thing to find the bit you want.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eiffel/Hera - "things you said when you were drunk"

Doug Eiffel woke up drifting upside-down and promptly bashed his head on the comms panel. 

Hera's crackling voice cut through the tide of effusive swearing. "Officer Eiffel? You doing okay there?" 

He sighed and then winced. "I'm fantastic, sweetheart. Can you explain to me why I'm in the comms room and why my head hurts so much? And why my mouth tastes like something dead came back to life and then died again in it?" 

"Uh..." Hera paused. "Howww much of last night do you remember?" 

With a sinking feeling, Doug cast his mind around the scattered fragments of memory associated with the previous day. 

"Well...command pulled that whole bullshit crazy-test on us, not going to be forgetting _that_ any time soon." 

"Keep going." 

"After that, Minkowski told us to go to bed but we were all still too pissed and freaked out to sleep. I mentioned needing a freaking drink or twelve, Minkowski agreed, Hilbert said he'd synthesized..." Doug's eyes widened and he trailed off. "Oh no." 

"There we go. Knew you'd get there eventually!" 

"Darlin', please tell me I didn't do anything stupid." 

"Officer Eiffel, you know my programming doesn't allow me to lie directly to station personnel." 

"Oh god damn it. What happened?" 

"Well, first you started teasing Minkowski about the time she blew a hole in the ship with a cannon, which prompted a great debate about who among the three of you had screwed up the worst during the mission." 

“Huh. Well, that’s not too bad - ” 

"There's more. Then you tried to convince the others that you needed to go on a hunt for the Plant Monster, or 'Audrey III' as you insisted on calling it to Dr. Hilbert's consternation. Which in turn lead to you getting Minkowski to sing 'Suddenly Seymour' from _Little Shop of Horrors_." 

Doug grinned, relieved that at least he hadn't been the only drunken weirdo on board last night. "Heh, that's actually pretty fantastic. Tell me you recorded it." 

"I already deleted it at Commander Minkowski's insistence. She outranks you and frankly, is way scarier than you are." 

"Well, you aren't wrong there. But I still don't understand how I ended up in here?" 

"I'm getting there. The problem happened when you suggested playing 'Spin the Bottle.' That fell apart when you realized you only wanted to kiss me but, and I quote, 'Those jerks at Canaveral didn't give you lips because they hate happiness.' And then you spent ten minutes ranting about lip discrimination toward AIs before Commander Minkowski locked you in here and said she hoped the Empty Man would come back for you and finish the job." 

"..." 

"Officer Eiffel?" 

"Yeah, um, sorry about that. I mean, yeah, if you had lips I would absolutely kiss you - with your permission of course! Not like, in a weird way, but I bet if you were human, you'd have nice lips! And probably lots of people would be lining up to kiss you! And I mean, lips are just nice to have, in general! They're useful for other stuff too and oh god, this isn't helping me seem less creepy, is it?" 

Hera's synthesized laugh rang out through the speakers, glitching slightly. 

Eiffel buried his face in his hands. "I used to be good at this sort of thing," he groaned. "Hera, if you let me try again, I promise I can do so much better than 'lips are useful.'" 

Hera laughed again, but quieter this time. "Officer Eiffel, I'd like that too." 

He looked up at that. "Really?" 

"Yeah." Her voice had taken on a shy quality and Eiffel would bet that, had she the capability, she'd be blushing. "I would." 

He reached up to cup her camera with one hand. "Good." He hesitated slightly then brushed his lips along the lens. "Don't know what I'd do without you, babe. Now let's see about getting me out of here. Minkowski didn't weld the door shut again, did she?"


	2. Cecil/Carlos - "things you said that made me feel like shit"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is maybe teetering on the verge of OOC but I’ve never written these two before so I'm kind of pleased with it.

**10\. things you said that make me feel like shit**

"INTERLOPER." 

A sigh. 

"I was just asking _why_ exactly we have to conduct an entire bloodstone ritual - with my blood! - just to get a dog, Cecil." 

"INTERLOPER." 

"Okay, sweetie, that joke wasn't funny the first time, it didn't really need to be repeated." 

"INTERLOPER." 

"Ceece, will you cut it out? I don't like you calling me that." 

"I'm sorry Carlos but the town by-laws state that any act of transgression by a non-native citizen is to be acknowledged by crying it four times. No more, no less. It's the law, Carlos. Surely as a scientist you understand that laws can't just be flouted willy-nilly. What would happen if someone decided to break the laws of gravity, for example…though I guess that _has_ happened here once or twice. Oh, and INTERLO- " 

"Stop! Okay? Just stop! The way this town deals with outsiders is seriously weird and I don't like it. I know it's the law but it makes me feel like I don't belong here, the same way the doors did. It makes me feel like maybe the town doesn't want me here, like..." 

A very long, anxious pause. 

"...like _you_ don't want me here." 

"Carlos..." 

Another long silence. 

"I want you here more than anything. Can...can you be patient with me on this? Reeducation is..." 

A pained grimace. 

"Hard to overcome." 

"I will, if you try for me, sweetie."


	3. Minkowski/Eiffel - "things you said too quietly"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I listened to "Do No Harm" earlier today and I think it shows.

**3\. things you said too quietly**

The world is hazy and you are aware of very little aside from the glaring light and the pain that rips through your chest like a machete-wielding lunatic. 

A coughing fit makes your whole body twitch and spasm and the pain somehow manages to _increase_ , though you’d have sworn it was already at a solid 10/10.

A voice cuts intermittently through the fog of pain and narcotics.

“Got you…hold…please…Eiffel.”

The tiny portion of your brain not currently devoted to “holy fuck, _ow_ ” registers that it’s Minkowski’s voice, but that she sounds somehow different than normal.

She sounds _scared_. 

And that is one of the scariest things you can imagine. Minkowski has kept her cool (and yours too) when faced with extreme danger bugs, mutinies, and really big bombs. For something to frighten _her_ it must be _bad_.

You hear her speaking again.

“Can’t do this without…please…need you…”

Making a mighty effort you open your eyes all the way. She is way closer than you expected, her face inches away, lips pressed _(what?!)_ to your hand, held clasped between both of hers.

Evidently she doesn’t notice your slight alertness because the recitation continues like a mantra, like a prayer.

“Gonna be fine…Doug please…have to…need you…love…”

You strain to catch everything she’s saying, because that last bit _definitely_ caught your attention but to no avail. She’s whispering, and muffled by, y'know, your skin, so much of what she says is lost. 

You realize to your dismay that the meds are dragging you back under and you try vainly to catch one last snippet of her anxious monologue to no avail. 

The darkness closes in and, since you have no idea if it’ll ever recede, you let yourself savor the feeling of her lips against your skin, the touch of a few loose wisps of her vibrant hair against your cheek. 

It’s not enough to ground you in the waking world but it is some small comfort as you fall back into the blackness.


	4. Dresden/Murphy - "things you said through your teeth"

**2\. things you said through your teeth**

"Goddamn it Dresden. If we survive this, I'm going to track down one of the many things in this city that wants you dead and _feed you to it_."

I smiled down at the tiny, furious, and slime-covered woman next to me.

"C'mon Murph. You know life would be so much more boring if you didn’t have me to bring this kind of excitement into your life."

Her glare managed to intensify. "Excitement? Dresden, my life was perfectly satisfactory before I met you and god knows I wouldn't miss this particular brand of _'excitement'_ if you suddenly decided to torture some poor cop on the _other side of the planet!_ "

That was obviously a lie, so I didn’t let it hurt my feelings. I _did_ however clap a slimy hand, the one not clutching my blasting rod, over her mouth. 

Over her indignant squawking, I hissed, "Shhh! I hear something!"

We huddled there in the dark alley, Murph pressed against my side, held in place by my arm looped 'round her head. At the end of the alley, a pack of demon mooks thundered past.

I gave them a half a minute head start, then released the red-faced Murphy. "C'mon," I said, grinning at her. "Evil is afoot."

She sighed. "I don't suppose there's any point in telling you _not_ to run in, guns blazing, with no plan whatsoever?"

"Nope!" I loped off down the alley in the pursuit of truth, justice, and kicking slimy demon ass.


	5. Minkowski/Eiffel - "things you said with no space between us"

**16\. things you said with no space between us**

"Ow! Watch it Minkowski! Actual human flesh there. God, your elbows are sharp." 

"Eiffel! This entire ridiculous situation is 100% your fault, so don't you _even_ start with me." 

"My fault?! How the heck can you blame this entire series of catastrophes on me?" 

"Seriously?" 

"Ow! Again with the elbows!" 

"Eiffel, so help me, if you complain one more time, the next elbow is going to be aimed lower." 

"Why Commander, how naughty of - _oof._ " 

"I swear to god, when we get out of here I will _end you_." 

"...understood. But us being trapped in this closet - " 

" - this _incredibly tiny_ closet. Seriously, when was the last time you _showered?_ " 

"Oh, so we're resorting to personal insults now? Real mature. In that case, Commander, you're - " 

"Think very carefully about the end of that sentence, Eiffel." 

"...right. But this is still not my fault." 

"How? If you hadn't shorted out the entire electrical system - " 

"That wasn't me, that was Hilbert!" 

"And _he_ said it was you." 

"He's also deeply crazy! And it didn't exactly help matters that you entirely overreacted and came charging down here like a bat out of deep space hell - " 

"Which I wouldn't have had to do if you weren't a _completely incompetent moron!_ " 

"And you never get sick of pointing out that fact, do you? Don't you think I _know_ that by now? I know I'm useless! I know I'm a waste of valuable station resources! I know that you are a much better person than I could ever hope to be by like, every metric possible, so you don't have to keep reminding me. Believe me, I know! Because if there's one thing everyone in my life can agree on, it's my general lack of worth as a human being." 

"..." 

"Let's just - let's focus on getting out of the broom closet, okay Commander? Let's worry about that and forget I said any of that, alright?" 

"Eiffel...I didn’t - " 

"I know. No one ever does. But it always comes back to the same refrain anyway. Now - " 

"I'm sorry." 

"It's not important." 

"No, I think it really, really is and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize. We are definitely coming back to this later, when we aren't, you know, essentially on top of each other." 

"If you insist, Commander." 

"I do. You're not worthless, Doug. You're worth a great deal in fact." 

"Again, if you say so. Your word is law." 

"And don't you forget it. Now where's that flashlight? Let's see about getting out of here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was supposed to be funny. I thought I was gonna be all clever and avoid the smut that leapt to mind when I read the prompt. "Haha," thought I. "They expected sin but I shall give them two nerds stuck in a broom closet, bickering and all up in each othoths business!" 
> 
> Little did I realize that the closet was full of emotions.
> 
> (And no. I have no idea how they ended up in there. At this point, I don't think they do either.)


End file.
